Ben’s story began on 29th September 1982 and came to a sad end on 18th May 1993 when he passed away due to surgical complications. However that day, which remains with Elayne and I forever, is when we commenced our journey as donor parents. It commenced when the Registrar caring for Ben, first stated that he felt his battle to save Ben’s life had been lost. 18 hours earlier he had suffered surgical complications when his aorta tore, resulting in Ben going without blood to his brain for 12 minutes. Now Ben went through three individual tests by two independent doctors to validate that our little boy of 10, our only son, was brain dead.

At mid-day, 24 hrs after the operation we were formally told of Ben’s brain death status. Elayne and I were silent, drained. As we looked at each other and I thought back to the time when Ben was first in hospital so many years ago. Even in my grief, I knew what I wanted to do, and Elayne seemed to read my mind. At the same moment, we said; “We want to donate Ben’s organs.” The doctors looked surprised. “We’re in such pain,” I explained. “If Ben’s organs can help alleviate someone else’s suffering, it’s the right thing to do.”

Having now consented to donation the waiting continued. To undertake tissue typing to identify Ben’s most compatible recipients and then arrange for his organ’s to be retrieved, another 24hrs transpired. It wasn’t until Wednesday afternoon, 54hrs after the failed operation, that we were able to cradle Ben in our arms and say our last goodbyes.

Have we had any regrets? Not in the least. Ben’s organ donation for us, added some more meaning to his short 10 years of life. We prevented two other families having to suffer the same grief that we went through. Knowing that a 12 year old girl received his heart & lungs and a 52 year old gentleman received his conjoined kidney’s has meant a great deal to us. Receiving letters of Thank You from the young girl’s family and the gentleman recipient is something we continue to treasure along with Ben’s memory.

And so our journey continues. I now speak at Rotary/Lions/Probus Clubs, about our experience and feel that Ben is with me when I proudly speak of him and our ongoing journey in the promotion of organ donation from a donor parent’s perspective.

In 2020 Donor Families Australia initiated Donor Heroes’ Night held on the DFA Facebook page to commemorate Ben and all Donor Heroes nationally. On 18th May 2024 the event reached out to over 26,000. https://www.facebook.com/DonorFamiliesAustralia